Howdy folksies … I’m posting a bit later this morning than normal … and I have no news. Heading to the gym and the tanning salon after work … then home to sleepy sleepy.
Hmmm … do I have a funny? Let’s see
Why We Love Children:
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. ‘How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked her pupil.
‘Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,’ answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.’
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later….’Da-ad….’
‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’
‘No, You had your chance. Lights out.’
Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaad…..’
‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’
I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!’
Five minutes later……’Daaaa-aaaad…..’
‘When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?’
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting intomischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’
The boy thought it over and said,
‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?’
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. ‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room’
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: ‘The big sissy’
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?’
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.’
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into she shower. She said, ‘Mommy, you are getting fat!’
I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.’
‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?’
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….’
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’
The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mom.’
‘And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked.
‘Yes,’ he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in math?’
The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’
The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?’
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, Two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ‘…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’
The teacher paused then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’
One little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!”
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, ‘I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.’
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, ‘I’m Jane Sugarbrown.’
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, ‘Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?’
She replied, ‘I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.’
10. A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I go outside and play with the
Her mother replied, ‘No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.’
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
‘If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?’
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.’
She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’
AND … Moving on!
ஜ~§Quote Of The Day§~ஜ
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
ஜ~§The Question Of The Day§~ஜ
A number of U.S. states are planning to legalize marijuana. Do you agree or disagree with this policy, and why?
ஜ~§The Word Of The Day§~ஜ
(ad HO-mi-nuhm, HOM-uh-nuhm))
Appealing to one’s prejudices, emotions, or other personal considerations rather than to intellect or reason.
Attacking an opponent personally instead of countering the argument.
From Latin, literally “to the person”.
“The New Israel Fund backers unleashed ad hominem attacks against the student group.”
ஜ~§Poem Of The Day§~ஜ
The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean –
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition.
ஜ~§Recipe Of The Day§~ஜ
Roast Beef Pot Pie
1 cup cubed cooked roast beef
1 jar (12 oz) beef gravy
1 bag (12 oz) Green Giant® Valley Fresh Steamers™ frozen mixed vegetables
1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt
1 cup Original Bisquick® mix
3/4 cup milk
1. Heat oven to 400°F. In 3-quart saucepan, heat beef, gravy, frozen vegetables and seasoned salt to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Spread in ungreased 1 1/2-quart casserole.
2. In small bowl, stir together Bisquick mix and milk until well blended. Pour evenly over beef mixture.
3. Bake uncovered about 30 minutes or until light brown.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Bake about 35 minutes.